Monday, April 18, 2011

AF

Here the thing. I am pissed off.
Yeah I know It was only one cycle.
But what happened to "my fertility should be tip-top"
does this mean its gonna suck like before.
Dr's shouldn't give false hope.

Do you know what else sucks, getting 2 BFP's, only to have BFN's.
It hurt. It stung. & I am emotional.

AF came a freakin week early almost to laugh in my face.
That sucks.

I won't be having a 2011 baby.
That sucks.

My chart seriously is crazy right now, cause of all this AF early-ness.
FF has me fertile for over a week!

You know what else, I forgot  how much scheduled sex gets old.
Temping every morning get old.
Checking my CM gets nasty.
Charting can be a huge pain in my butt. {i did get the phone app tho, WAY easier}

But when I get honest..
As much as that one line sucks, & stings. & brings me to tears.
& the reminder with AF here that "HEY YOUR NOT PREGNANT" screams at me.

You get two lines & here
comes the joy
But the after?
earth shattering FEAR.

Yup this is my life.
frustration,joy,fear.


The life of a IF RPL woman.
Nope I am not bitter. ;)

By the way, girl I used to babysit; pregnant.
16 years old.
Her first time.
Sweet.

5 comments:

  1. sorry to hear you are going through this..... will be thinking of you.

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  2. i know there are no words that will make you feel better but i am sorry. and it sucks huge when a 16 year old gets pregnant just like that... will be thinking about you.

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  3. I stumbled upon your blog and just wanted to say hi :)

    I wish I had words that would mean something...but I know this is a rough day for you. Just have faith that when the time is right, it'll all work out ok. Easier said than done, I know...but it's true!

    Also, I have a great giveaway on my blog today if you'd like to come check it out!

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  4. I am still in complete aw everytime I hear or see a story about a teen or someone who really doesn't want to have a baby gets pregnant by accident or whatever. I have been TTC for almost a year with nothing. Zilch, zip, zero. Good luck and I'm fighting the same fight.
    --sara

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  5. Aw, I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. I know this sounds cliche, but when the time is right, you'll get your miracle baby #2!
    PS- I'd rather have AF than another miscarriage. But I'm a wimp, lol. I'm sure, for the next pregnancy, I'll be freaking out every 5 minutes until we hit 14 weeks.

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shucks, thanks the comment!
i looove hearing from you!
-tara :)

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