Sunday, July 31, 2016

On the eve of the night before Kindergarten




Here it is.
We are just a sleep away from the first day of school.
Real school.
The day that has creeped up on me, so so fast this summer.
Tomorrow, we will meet your teacher. Put your little supplies into a little desk. It will have your name, right there on the desk, the one we choose just for you. Show you wear your little backpack will hang almost everyday for the next few months.
In this big ole' school, I realize you aren't so "little" anymore.

I know to some, I am crazy.
Like, get a grip lady. Its just Kindergarten.
She will have fun. This is life.

Yall. I get it.
But I can't stop.
The "it goes so fast".
Its real.
Not the, oh look she is smiling, she is sitting up, now she is walking; kinda fast.
Not that, it goes fast.
They tell you, boy do they tell you all about it.
& I got it.
I cried when I packed up those onesies.
I mourned that last nursing session.
But ya'll {I know I am saying yall a lot, bear with me}
IT GOES SO FAST.

At kindergarten roundup, these women stood in front of me.
This is the nurse..she will help if she doesn't feel good, fall down.
This is the guidance counselor...she will help if there is friend trouble, if her feeling are hurt.
& I wanted to scream, THATS ME.  I DO THAT.
It goes so fast.

I am going over & over again, did I do enough?
Did we have enough carefree preschool fun?
Did I teach her enough?
Did I hug her enough?
Did I tell her how proud I am of her enough?
Will she make friends?
Will she have enough time to eat all her lunch?
Will she remember to say "yes mam" & "no mam"
Will she be make good choices?
What if she is mean to someone?
What if she cries for me?

I am crying just thinking about it.
It's going so fast.

I think about these things just driving down the street the past few months.
I look back at my girl, so safe in her car seat, singing to the radio.
I want to just keep her, right there. Forever.
It goes so fast.


She's ready.

& if I am honest with myself, I know taught her enough, I know she will make good decisions, I know she will be polite.

I know she will have so much fun.
She is going to learn so much.

& at the end of the day I will be there hugging her so tight. Asking how her day went, if she met new friends. & all my fears will turn to joy.

 It will get easier, day by day.
For the both of us.
But one thing I know for sure.
& that is, that I hope the day goes so fast.







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-tara :)

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