Wednesday, October 3, 2012

oh motherhood.

I know I know, I was supposed to be writing alot more.
Hell im lucky if I get a post in a week.

But here it goes, one of those posts. 
You know the let it all out posts.

Ive been up to my ears in being a mom. Shits tough. I knew it was, of course.
But that moment, when you in the grocery, & "that kid" you can hear in the automotive section coming from the grocery section, that is arching her back screaming throwing a fit is YOUR kid. Its like a big momma smack in the face.


Let me first by saying I KNOW im a good mom, I do.
But tell me, when I know I was meant to do all this, does moments like said event can make you doubt yourself?


Because I did pray for this. I have two babies laughing, yelling & crying; & that means I have two beautiful girls & they are happy. I have a messy house, & that means I have a beautiful warm harm. My husband is constantly working & there is ALWAYS dishes in the sink, & that means he has a job & we have food to eat.

There is nights I have too many glasses of wine to drink because the baby is teething & its been 2...no 3 hours of straight crying; kennedy just go out the box of cereal its all over the floor, the dog peed on the floor, the phone is ringing & damn it all i want is a shower for the first time in a week. & heres the thing; a thing I just learned"

All that, everything I just said; I thought I couldn't say; how dare i complain after it took so long to have these babies, how dare i complain about my crazy life when so many are struggling are trying to have babies themselves; that I myself just 3 years ago would have died for. But I CAN.

Just because I had a bad day/week/month doesnt mean I dont appreciate  love, adore &am any less grateful for these little humans.

& as if AP couldn't get any more amazeballs she wrote another post today {if you arent following her go ahead & do youself a favor & do so, the next 29 days are gonna be amazing on her blog} she said what I have needed to hear the last few weeks: "your doing OK, your going to be OK, your the greatest mother to your child..even if you raise your voice.."

I feel like infertility  has given me such a complex that I can't have those days when my cheeks are tear stained, Im waving that "motherhood white flag" & I can't get wine in my glass fast enough; but no matter how you get your babies here, your a momma & your allowed to have bad days.  Because:

Its ok.
Your doing great.

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shucks, thanks the comment!
i looove hearing from you!
-tara :)

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