Wednesday, February 8, 2012

becoming tara: the momma, wife, photographer cont..

I wanted to share a struggle that has been on my heart as of late; & how I am overcoming it.
Its a hard thing for me to share but,
I want to share because I feel like someone else maybe going thru the same thing

Sometimes when I read other blogs, read others' facebooks or twitter I can feel "not good enough" 
Mostly with the way I look, & what I am doing as of late.

No, I am not going on a rant of how I think I'm fat ect.
But to say I let myself go is kinda a understatement, body image aside.

Yes about 2 days out of the week I get dressed in my cute clothes; & sure to my benefit I need more clothes that fit for this weather with this bump strapped to my torso.
But I look at these moms; & am like holy cow, ya'll look great. Outfits always so perfectly together.
 As I brush off my yoga pants with dried on cheerios, mix matched socks & hair ALWAYS up.
it got to the point where I was SUPER down on myself.
I didn't even want myself in pictures. 

I see them doing parenting COMPLETELY different than me, & you start to second guess yourself. 
Am I  doing this right, are they going to turn around & be those kids that hate me ect.
You know THOSE kids.

With  my business, I have recently been completely pulled, shoved, twisted & drowned in puddle of mud with people that I thought had grown up from things of highschool. But I was completely wrong, & I was brutally attacked with nasty emails from FIVE people from ONE client that had changed her mind about her photos a MONTH later. It seriously took me down to such a low of low. Photography is my thing. The one thing outside of being a momma that is ALL me. Its what I am good at. & about the only thing I am. & to be told I wasn't. A joke even? The worst thing for me.  I was so belittled & called things I havent even heard come out of a grown persons mouth since I was in highschool.


I remember just a few years ago & all thru school I turned into the people around me; I had my twist on it but I was the person I hung around. I molded to it.

I wouldn't say I was a follower, but I changed different aspects of who I was.

But since  becoming a mom. I live for my daughter. Well & husband. 
& I am me.
Truly 100% me.
Finally.

Who is that?
Tara.

& that is a momma who doesn't always dress up everyday, that has her hair in a bun 99.9% of the time. That does parenting different than alot of people. That YES wants to be with her daughter ALL the time, & if you have a problem with that, DON'T hang around us. That is kinda sorta obsessed with all things labor/delivery. That is a photographer, a good photographer {phew that felt good to say} that house isnt always tidy & perfect & photo off pintrest. 

I have lost so many friends, but also recently gained some in the past year by being ME. 

& it feels so good, to be me

Sure I have things I wanted to work on, like not having my hair in a bun all time, I am taking more pictures of kennedy with me in them & showing my face in my weekly belly pictures,doing sessions again &LOVING it, seriously don't know how I stopped, I am working on bringing down my glass of water everynight so I dont end up having a million on my nightstand; but I am only improving myself not compromising myself & it feels so good.

I need to work on myself continuously; because I want to be the BEST I can be for my daughter{s}.
Cause they, Brandon & ultimately myself deserve it.

8 comments:

  1. YOU are awesome! I can relate to this post so much! More days then not I am in sweats & a pony tail. Yeah I like to look cute but honestly getting all dressed up to go no where is a waste of time for me, time that can be spent with Rylin! And you are an AMAZING photographer and an even more amazing Mama! Your love, commitment, & adoration of Kennedy are so obvious!

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    1. So true I do find its a waste; & more times out not I am fine with going out with the way I look its when I see the other moms when im out look amazing; i start to second guess myself! Thank you for the kind words, as are you a wonderful momma! :)

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  2. I can really relate to this post as well. The times I really feel myself second guessing things is after I've been at our play group. The other moms seem to be parenting so totally opposite of me and sometimes (well a lot of the time) I feel like I'm being judged. I always try to keep the attitude that every parent is going to do things differently, but what they think is best for their child. I wish other moms had that same attitude. Anyways, I always enjoy your posts and think you are doing a great job!! It's hard, but don't let anyone make you feel less than the amazing mom, wife, photographer, etc. that you are!!

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  3. You're such a great woman Tara. Mother, daughter, wife, friend.. ect. I don't know you personally, but I'd consider you one of my better bloggy friends and I guess you could say I'm proud of you for writing this! I too have been dealing with some struggles involving my photography and sadness over the loss of good friends, because I am now a mother and wife and not a party every night or be there at every beckon call kind of "friend" anymore. It sucks and it's hard, but we're mothers and we're damn great ones!! Keep your chin up and know that you're beautiful no matter what. You are so kind and have such a wonderful soul! Keep being YOU!! :)

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    1. Ah THANK YOU! you are so sweet! You are a AMAZING momma & wife too!

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  4. I am one of the newer followers around your blog, but I can tell you are a great person, photographer and mom! There are always going to be people in life who try to bring you down--- and it's really pathetic that grown people are still doing this!

    Sometimes when I see blogs of other newlyweds/new moms that seem to 'have it all together' I can get jealous for sure. It's easy to want that picture-perfect life--- but when you take a second to look at yours, you realize it IS perfect :) Keep your head up lady-- I think you ROCK!!

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  5. It sounds to me like you're growing up... and sometimes that's hard when the people around you refuse to. Moving past the drama and comparisons and learning to just love yourself and love your life RIGHT WHERE IT'S AT is key to a fulfilled life. You're going to be a better wife, mom, photographer, a better YOU because of it. So good job, keep it up. You're on the right track. :)

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  6. Great post hun and can relate in some ways, I to am one that doesn't dress up everyday but I totally love my family and they make me completely happy :)
    I'm loving your log hun and I am defoo a new follower!
    Come say hi sometime, Kelly x

    ourfootprintsontheworld.blogspot.com

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shucks, thanks the comment!
i looove hearing from you!
-tara :)

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