Tuesday, November 1, 2011

happy halloween!

this was supposed to post last night but didn't :(
me a year ago yesterday!
I haven't gotten to download the pics of the ultrasound
but oh 2 weeks ago, i went into my appt actually kinda werid. I had this deep feeling that nothing was going to show up on the ultrasound.
But sure enough as soon as it started she {yes i already think/know gummy is a girl} was kicking, & sucking on her hand!
on the pictures we got you can see her foot with each & every toe! we measured at 9w5d!
I was bawling. I have been so sick,so so sick. The being pricked for an IV what seems like everyday you really get discouraged y aknow? but that. that made it all worth it!

speaking of sickness, it had gotten better im still probally getting sick 6 times aday which is such a HUGE improvement. I am getting so energy back. But i still cant get thru a grocery trip to walmart.

I had another appt yesterday.
I had been kinda concerned that maybe my blood pressure was up, i had been getting a very tight chest with chest pain & seeing stars & being lightheaded ect. So he said he hadnt looked at my blood work from my last appt 2 weeks ago so he would get it.
He came back in & kinda stood there for awhile just watching me & kennedy {brandon couldnt get off work} & said that once again my panel came back & i had little to no nutrition, i had no potassium & so many other things. He said he had no idea how i  came in to his office that day, let alone with a 11month old in tow. Then he said what made me litterly cry all day & am now that im typing this:
"I came in here with full intentions to some what beg you to never do this to your body again, You body just can't do pregnancy & doing this again could put your life in danger, until I just sat there & look at you with your daughter. & then I had full understanding how why you do this"
Cue the freakin waterworks.
I know i am a good mom, but to hear from a complete stranger that he picked up on that & understood made me the happiest person in the world.
Because to be honest I have questioned myself. Why did I want to get pregnant again knowing I would go thru all this & take away so much from kennedy,my family & business from being so sick. I was starting to think that I was probally the most selfish person on the planet. & hearing that, made me re tract to all the reasons I am a mom & wanted to be one for so long.
Also, the cerclage will be at 16 weeks!

On a different note, birthday is just 2 week away yall!
like freakin way to close! I cant believe it!

3 comments:

  1. congrats on a great ultrasound! every ultrasound cues the waterworks for this mama :)

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  2. I had no idea you were expecting again, and instantly got choaked up when I read it. You are an amazing Mom Tara! & definitely deserve this! I am sorry you are sick but definitely have been praying for you! I'm not on facebook anyone so I'm gonna have to tune into your blogs more.
    Reading all these have turned on the waterworks for me also! How incredible:):):)

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shucks, thanks the comment!
i looove hearing from you!
-tara :)

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