Sunday, September 25, 2011

well howdy!

I am here!
 You all are so lovely for all the comments, tweets & emails; I really don't know what I do to deserve such encouraging people that care about my family!
Let start with Wednesday shall we?
The day of my appt
I get there & the receptionist remembers me & we chat, & ooo & aww over kennedys pictures
{brandon stayed home with kennedy & the little girl I babysit, it would have been hard with them both there}
After we cut the chit-chat it was time for paperwork
I got asked nearly 10 xs either by mouth or paper
"# of prengnancies"
....
"4"
I hadn't said it outloud & each time it was like bullet
I had a the receptionist, check in ladies, nurse, ob & phlebotomist all ask me
all followed by "what are there names"
"name. I just have one Kennedy."
So right off that bat I wished Brandon had been there, as did he.
We started the ultrasound 
still no pole.
no heartbeat.
& was measuring 5w6d
just a day over what the the last US exactly a week ago was measured.
but where was a yok sac
Dr came to the conclusion that either 
a) baby stopped growing
b) baby is just a slow grower?
he took my levels again & said I would only hear back from him if something was  alarming..
& I haven't so this is GREAT news.
Also, if you didn't read before I have had NIGHTMARE OB's & really love this guy! Hopefully this is it! Cause he seemed wonderful!
Things are still really up in the air
I have been bleeding now for over 5 days
I am now nauseous....really nauseous {which is wonderful in the growth aspect}
on top of that completely weak, & the cramps are unreal
today I didnt get off the couch once, luckily both of my sessions today cancelled!
I told the Dr about my first pregnancy & with Kennedy how bad it gets 
& how i was actually on my death bed with my 1st from hyperemesis 
& close with Kennedy
I just hope it is nothing like that this time
I will not be able to care for kennedy properly & that scares me

I am trying to keep positive, tho! I have been thinking about if its another girl; how kennedy & she will be like twins! Or if its a boy how perfect that will be! 
Purchasing "big sister" shirts which by the way dont come in Kennedys size! are they trying to tell me something? haha they start at 2T! All the ones her size say "little sister"

& then all of a sudden for 2 nights straight a few days ago I have waken up in a complete panic.
Will kennedy be mad at me?
will she resent me?
can I do this?
2 babies under 2!!
how can I possibly love another baby as much Kennedy?
Obviously this is the one thing in the world I have wanted for almost a year now
but it just would hit me, & I would think of Kennedy & just sob.
I have been reassured that this is completely normal
& even had one of my amazing friends tell me "if anyone can do it, you can"
which made me cry 
yeah, yall thought I did alot of that before; ya aint seen nothin yet ;)

Anyway this post is getting longer then I wanted it to be, but I wanted to update yall & let you know we are alive :)
I will leave you with our little bean sac 


6 comments:

  1. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you! No news is good news, right!? My boys are only 14 1/2 months apart and I had ALL of the same thoughts you're having... up until we brought the baby home, actually. It's totally normal, but can cause some major anxiety! Just know that Kennedy will LOVE this baby no matter what - they will be BEST friends! :)

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  2. I was praying for you! Thank God all is well!!!!! I had anxiety with my boys being so close (16 mos) and babe #3 is close too haha woops...but once the new baby is here it will all fade away! Kennedy will LOVE her baby bro/sis as if he/she had been there from the get go! That is the cool thing is that they are so young that they just "assume" the baby has always been there lol no jealousy issues!:)
    I am so excited for you guys!! I will be checking back for updates!! !xoxo

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  3. How exciting for you all! My girls are 17 months apart and it is awesome! They were so close as babies and young girls...now they only like each other sometimes, but they ARE teenagers. I wouldn't have had them any other way, and you will love it! I can't wait to hear more about your adventure with the bean sac! :-)

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  4. Very exciting.....we have two that are 18 months apart. Wishing you all the best and thanks for posting.

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  5. Keeping you in my thoughts. I hope the little bean keeps growing strong. xx

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  6. I'll be praying for you and that little bean of yours.
    PS: I think Kennedy will be THRILLED to have a little brother or sister! She might be a little jealous, but that's normal. I don't know how you would handle the cuteness, though!!

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shucks, thanks the comment!
i looove hearing from you!
-tara :)

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